I once found myself inadvertently evading joy, ensnared in the belief that my writing as a Black author had to be rooted in pain and trauma. For over a decade, this unspoken narrative guided my path, leading me to spaces and conversations that didn't resonate with my true self. However, it took ten years to break free from this confining script.
In our world, teeming with adversity, joy is not a frivolity but a necessity. Yet, we often neglect the crucial step of defining what joy means to us individually. My joy is not yours, and that's perfectly fine. We convince ourselves that joy is elusive, that it eludes us when the world seems to crumble. We are too weary to embrace it.
In early 2021, I had an epiphany. Slowing down could be my form of activism. I realized I had choices, even if I couldn't control outcomes. Slowing down allowed me to appreciate the present, to ask myself what I truly desired. This revelation became the cornerstone of my book, Let It Go, as I learned to navigate flux and stress, drawing upon the embers of joy as my motivator.
Throughout my writing journey, I wanted to explore joy but lacked the language for it. I delved into my own relationship with joy, discovering my fear of it and the constraints it imposed.
Learning to say no with love became vital to managing my energy and making sure I wasn’t giving more than I had to give (a hard one for a recovering people pleaser!)
The journey to authenticity culminated when I looked up to writers like Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, and bell hooks, who, in their own ways, understood the essence of joy and knew how to create the conditions for it. Joy meant having autonomy over my energy, voicing it boldly. My trauma remains, but I am intentional about who holds it with me.
What is Joyful Living?
I've discovered three key takeaways that may resonate with anyone seeking a more joyful and authentic existence:
1. Define Your Own Joy: Joy is deeply personal, and it's essential to define what it means to you as an individual. Don't let external pressures or narratives dictate your path. My joy is not the same as yours, and that's perfectly valid. Take the time to explore and understand what truly brings you joy, and cherish it as an essential part of your life. Create a list of people, places, tasks, that bring you joy and why. How can you call in more of these in your life?
2. Slowing Down as Activism: In a fast-paced world filled with chaos and uncertainty, consider that slowing down can be a powerful form of activism. By pausing, reflecting, and making intentional choices, you can navigate life's challenges with greater clarity and resilience. What are some of the tasks, decisions or experiences that you tend to rush through? How can you slow down and pay attention to how you feel in that moment? Embrace the present moment, and don't rush through decisions; you may discover that this deliberate pace empowers you to make more authentic choices that better align with what’s a priority for you. This is how I learned that I wanted to write books that focused on joy, love, mindfulness practices, and personal growth! Slowing down also led me to building out an entire coaching program designed to help you protect your energy.
3. Embrace Authenticity with Love: The journey to authenticity often involves letting go of people, places, projects, and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. This is lifelong work that takes commitment. Learning to say no with love becomes essential in preserving your true self. Remember that you're not in competition with others; the only competition is with your past self. Embrace your authenticity boldly, and share your joy and pain with those who truly understand and support you.
These takeaways can serve as guideposts on your own path to rediscovering joy, authenticity, and the power of intentional living.
As I embrace a new year, I realize I'm not in competition with anyone but my past self, and letting go is now a natural part of my life. Joy is no longer an elusive dream but a radiant reality.
Looking for personal stories to help you on your own journey joy discovery? Buy a copy of Let It Go.